Cellular Essay (ameritech) Essays - Broadcast Engineering

Cellular Essay (ameritech) Cellular Essay (ameritech) The orange is the home digital service area and the yellow is analog service area. Ameritech also offers free long distance all over the U.S.A. With a special package deal they have going right now. For sixty-five dollars a month you get 325 minutes per month. For their Chicago land service area it depends on which plan you pick, because the local rate per minute could either be .25 cents or .29 cents per minute for local calls that went over your minutes you received for free already. The price per minute also changes depending on if you are in the peak or off peak time slots. Peak hours are from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. Monday through Friday. Off peak times are from 10:01 p.m. to 5:59 a.m. Monday through Friday. Saturday and Sunday are all day off peak and some holidays. Long distance runs from .25 cents per minute to .35 cents per minute. Depending on the distance it varies. If you leave your service area and enter another then roaming charges will be also added. If you decide to go with a cellular phone they have package deals that include a cell phone for a thirty five-dollar activation fee. They offer several packages to meet everyone's needs. You may also upgrade to a better phone, but then you must purchase that phone. I contacted Ameritech and they told me that because I wasn't a business that they were unable to release that information. They then told me that they would get a hold of one of their managers and maybe they could give me this information. They took my name and number and I never received anymore information. I told them this was for a school project, but that didn't matter. The PBX I chose was Meridian1 option 11c. This is a powerful PBX that comes in a small package. It supports 30 to 400 lines. Some other features are digital telephones, in building wireless communications, voice messaging, call center, PC-based system management, Ethernet connection, remote connection, keycode software activation, and multimedia applications. This PBX can be easily upgraded to new capabilities. Some of the programs that this PBX can run are Computer Telephony Integration (CTI), Customer Controlled Routing (CCR), and Integrated Voice Response (IVR). Dual-tone multifrequency dial (DTMF) is a keypad containing 12 to 16 buttons. These are arranged in columns and rows. When the buttons are pushed they send two tones to the central exchange. The central exchange decodes the tones and rings the destination. A rotary phone or pulse dialing phone is sent over by clicks. The rotary dial contains two separate contacts. These contacts open and close for every digit. So if the number 3 were dialed, then the contacts would open and close 3 times. But a pulse dial will not pass through the central exchange. Which means that if a voice mail system answers you can not get through to the menu options. The number 8 tones are column 1336 Hz and row 852 Hz. For the central office to receive the tone it must be present for 40 ms and a pause of 60 ms between digits. For a rotary phone it takes 15 seconds to transmit 10 digits. Carried Load: calls that are served, traffic that is carried to its destination Offered load: arriving calls, calls attempting to enter a system Blocked calls: traffic that can not be carried to its destination, blocked calls leave the system or overflow to another circuit Blocked Calls-Cleared: upon receiving indication that all circuit are busy and can not be handled, the caller hangs up and is lost to the system. Blocked Calls-Delayed: upon receiving indication that all circuits are busy, the caller waits and is held in the system until it can be processed. First attempt traffic is a formula that Jacobsen developed to figure the percentage of people who retry their call immediately. The Jacobsen retrial table assumes that 70% of the people retry immediately. Henry Jacobsen developed all of the retry tables. These tables help the server's figure out how many blocked calls that they receive. This allows them to figure if they need more lines or how many lines they will need in a certain area. PCS: Personal communication service, transmit 1850-1910 MHz, receive 1930-1990 MHz PCS 1900: Provided by time division multiple access or code division multiple access technology. BSC: Connects to base transceiver station sites. BTS: Base transceiver station for the PCS 1900 is a building that holds base station transmitter and receivers and antenna tower. The tower has 9 antennas with one transmitting antenna and two receiving antennas'. HLR: Home location register

The Client essays

The Client essays 1. I enjoyed reading this interesting book. It talks about eleven years old Mark Sway and his younger They were sharing cigarette when by chance a suicidal lawyer left Mark knowing a bloody and explosive secret: whereabouts of the senators dead body. 2. The main idea of the book is the struggle between the legal system trying to find the truth and the Mafia who will stop at nothing to keep him quiet. Mark is caught between them and his only ally is a woman called Reggie Love, who has been a lawyer. Reggie will do anything to protect her client-even take a last desperate gamble that could win Mark his freedom... ...

Questionarise for survey of customer buying performance for Essay

Questionarise for survey of customer buying performance for technological goods - Essay Example 152). Therefore, this study aims at indentifying buying preferences of customers towards sustainable technological goods which in this case will be different brands of cars. Moreover, the study aims at exploring technological elements that make some brands of cars to be highly purchased as opposed to others. Sample size of 1764 was used for the study. The result indicated that consumers purchase technological goods based on the quality, safety, value, performance, design, innovation, and environmental friendliness/green factors. Introduction Numerous factors usually affect the purchase decision of the consumer and most of these factors have been used in understanding market for specific goods and or services. Nonetheless, satisfaction of the consumer is usually pegged on the consumer’s cognitive and effective evaluation of the past experience on certain purchases. Additionally, the consumer’s purchase decision may be analyzed based on perceived risks. Therefore, underst anding these elements are quite beneficial to the new or technological good manufacturers especially those who intend to introduce new goods into the market (Mohr, Sengupta, and Slater, 2010; pg. 101). However, purchasing new technological goods will require more than the risk perception on the good, but will also require limited theoretical assessment of the entire purchase process that is defined within six risk dimension that include the assessments of the performance risk, financial risk, physical risk, convenience risk, social risk, and psychological risk (Pride and Ferrell, 2012; pg. 144). Each of these dimension of purchase risks usually have different significance on product or purchase risk or context; therefore, they must be considered independently by the consumer in determining their purchase decisions (Shaw, 2003; pg. 62). Therefore, these aspects or purchase risks will be considered independently in analyzing the factors influencing the purchase decisions of consumers to purchase technological cars. Literature Review The choice of customer is usually governed by the microeconomic theory that connects the preferences to consume goods and services in relation to the consumption expenditure. Therefore, choice of the customer usually affects the consumer demand curves. The relationship or the link between consumption, personal preferences, and demand curves is usually considered business economics since it helps in analyzing how the customer often achieves the equilibrium between expenditure and preferences (Crane and Mayer, 2003; pg. 179). This analysis is usually done by considering how the consumer maximizes utility as subject of budget constraints. Preference often presents the desire of an individual to consume a good and service thereby translating to consumer choices. Notably, these choices are usually based on wealth or personal income combined with the available time the consumer has to define consumption activities. Thus, it is worth noting that consumption is distinctive of production since there are two different actors that are involved. In other words, consumption is the primary aspect of production. A manufacturer may produce a good that would never be consumed; therefore, different abilities

The project management in the construction and operation of a Assignment

The project management in the construction and operation of a restaurant - Assignment Example The technical component is necessary to recognize the critical activities that influence the total length of time a project takes to finish. The human resource elements deal with the issues of headship and worker inspiration within a group or team atmosphere. A project is an organized activity to accomplish an objective. It can be defined as a series of related tasks that are directed towards a common output which will be completed during a period of time. It is the planning, directing and controlling resources (people, equipment, material) to meet the technical, cost and time constraints of the project. A project is a completely new task; thus there are no repetitive activities. It will be operated for the first time and the challenge cannot be predicted which may incur in future. The team members have to be conscious about their work and should monitor whether they can achieve the desired objective. Thus there will be continuous evaluation, monitoring, controlling till the project is completed. In short, we can say that the project management has taken place during the overall life of the project. New project team will be formed and after accomplishing its objective, it will be dispersed. Thus there will be more time required for the team members to perform effectively and there should be a conscious effort to ensure the participation of the team members by way of effective communication and motivation. Responsibilities of the project manager: Project managers characteristically have a distinctive role within the conventional organisation structure. Most project management squads are multidisciplinary in character, concerning a wide variety of abilities and organisational units. Frequently these teams consist of people from engineering, operations and marketing, and from support services that include risk management, systems operations, auditing, and legal groups. Accordingly, today's project managers have to often cross conventional functional lines to achieve the support necessary for the completion of a project. In most occasions, this support is requested without formal authority. Therefore, the project manager must make a combined culture that relies a lot on social skills as well as practical expertise. Without the authority of a traditional functional manager and the allied system of rewards and penalties, project managers have to make their authority by building trust, respect, and credibility among project members, as well as by representing sound decision making - all within an exciting work situation. High-performance project teams: In today's multifaceted and hi-tech sophisticated environment, the cluster has remerged in significance in the structure of project teams, the qualities of a project team and its vital performance relied on many aspects that involve both people and structural matters. Even though each organisation has its own methods of performance, there is common agreement among project managers on which aspects are separated into the following four categories: 1. Task-associated variables are direct measures of task performance, such as the skill to generate standard results on time and within budget, inventive performance, and the skill to change. 2.

The Statue of Liberty Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1750 words

The Statue of Liberty - Essay Example It is believed that this goddess represents freedom and in one hand, bears a torch as well as an ansata tabula (which involves a tablet that evokes law). It is on this tablet that the date illustrating the day of declaration of America’s independence is inscribed (Landau 34). At the feet of the statue lies a piece of a broken chain. The significance of this statue is its iconic representation of freedom in the United States; this is actually actual representation of welcome signal to the immigrants that come from other countries. It is believed that the politician and law professor Laboulaye Édouard declared in 1865 that any statue or monument representing the American freedom would have to be a joint project between the Americana and French people, motivated the sculptor of this statue in his design. The sculpture is said to have wanted to honor the union victories in the United States as well as the success that had been achieved in ending slavery and brutality against that immigrants and non-natives in the United States. The foundation in the making of this statue was supposed to be laid in the Fort Wood, which was an army base that has been disused on Bedloe’s Island, and had been constructed between 1807-1811 (Kent 14). During that time, this station was often used in the recruitment of people to join the civil war. The process of fortifying the structure of the structure was done to represent the shape of star that has seven points. The pedestal and foundation of the statue were aligned in a way that it was to face the southeast direction. In this case, it was meant to greet ships that would be entering into the harbor especially from the Atlantic (Landau 35). The process of making the statue took a long process and much thinking into its design and final shape. It is said that the committee in charge of making the statues commissioned Richard Hunt to oversee and help in the design of the statue’s

Relating Critical Incident To Communication Theory And Knowledge Nursing Essay

Relating Critical Incident To Communication Theory And Knowledge Nursing Essay The aim of this report is to look at a critical incident that occurred in placement and relate this to the theory and knowledge regarding communication and interpersonal skills, so as to demonstrate an understanding of my views on the art and science of reflection and the issues surrounding reflective practice Reflection is part of reflective practice and a skill that is developed. It can be seen as a way of adjusting to life as a qualified healthcare professional and enhancing the development of a professional identity (Atwal Jones, 2009). Reflection is defined as a process of reviewing an experience which involves description, analysis and evaluation to enhance learning in practice (Rolfe et al 2001).  This is supported by Fleming (2006), who described it as a process of reasoned thought. It enables the practitioner to critically assess self and their approach to practice. Reflective practice is advocated in healthcare as a learning process that encourages self-evaluation with subsequent professional development planning (Zuzelo, 2010). Reflective practice has been identified as one of the key ways in which we can learn from our experiences. The incident that was chosen was so for the reasons that the situation made the student aware of inadequacies on his own part and those of the staff on the team, which made him reflect upon the situation and how this could be learned from, so as not to make the same mistake again. Before the critical incident is examined it is important to look at what a critical incident is and why it is important to nursing practice. Girot (1997), cited in Maslin-Prothero, (1997) states that critical incidents are a means of exploring a certain situation in practice and recognising what has been learned from the situation. Benner (1984, cited by Kacperek, 1997) argues that nurses cannot increase or develop their knowledge to its full potential unless they examine their own practice. Confidentiality will be maintained as required by the Nursing Midwifery Council Code (NMC, 2008).    MODELS In order to provide a framework for methods, practices and processes for building knowledge from practice, there are several models of reflection available. All can help to direct individual reflection. Reflective models, however, are not meant to be used as a rigid set of questions to be answered but to give some structure and encourage making a record of the activity. Johns (2004) model reflects on uncovering the knowledge behind the incident and the actions of others present. It is a good tool for thinking, exploring ideas, clarifying opinions and supports learning. Another model, Schon (1987), however, identifies two types of reflection that can be applied in healthcare, Reflection-in-action and Reflection-on-action. Reflection-in-action can also be described as thinking whilst doing. Reflection-on-action involves revisiting experiences and further analysing them to improve skills and enhance future practice. Terry Bortons (1970) 3 stem questions:  What?,  So What?  and  Now What?  were developed by John Driscoll in 1994, 2000 and 2007. Driscoll matched the 3 questions to the stages of an  experiential learning cycle, and added trigger questions that can be used to complete the cycle. However, Driscoll (2006) notes that reflective practice is often represented as a choice for health professionals, whether to be reflective or not to be, about their clinical practice. Finally, Gibbs (1988) reflective cycle is fairly straightforward and encourages a clear description of the situation, analysis of feelings, evaluation of the experience, analysis to make sense of the experience, conclusion where other options are considered and reflection upon experience to examine what one would do if the situation arose again. In spite of all these models advantages, there are known barriers which prevent practitioners being able to reflect effectively and time plays a huge role. Smyth (2004) questions whether there is any time to think and be reflective because of the busy work environment that practitioners are involved in. CHOSEN MODEL In this report, I have chosen to use Gibbs Reflective Cycle (1988) as a framework, because it focuses on different aspects of an experience and allows the learner to revisit the event fully. Gibbs (1988) will help me to explore the experience further, using a staged framework as guidance and I feel that this is a simple model, which is well structured and easy to use at this early stage in my course. This model comprises of a process that helps the individual look at a situation and think about their thoughts and feelings at the time of the incident; and consists of six stages to complete one cycle. Its cyclical nature starts with a description of the situation. This includes e.g. where were you; who else was there; why were you there; what were you doing; what were other people doing. Next is to analysis of the feelings that is, trying to recall and explore those things that were going on inside your head? The third stage is an evaluation of the experience; making a judgement regarding the reasons behind the event and its possible consequences. The fourth stage is an analysis to make sense of the experience. At this stage the event is broken down into its component parts so they can be explored separately. The fifth stage is a conclusion of what else could I have done; the creation of insight through the reflective process towards individual roles within the event being considered. And final stage is an action plan to prepare if the situation arose again. That is, recognitions leading towards behavioural adjustments where faced with similar events in the future (NHS, 2006). The use of this model represents a fundamental shift from the ideas of Kolb in that Gibbs model specifically refers to the key processes within reflection itself, rather than as reflection as a process within general learning. Reflective practice can mean taking our experiences as an initial point for our learning and developing practice (Jasper, 2003). Many literatures have been written in the past that suggest the use of reflective assignments and journaling as tools to improve reflection and thinking skills in healthcare (Chapman et al, 2008). Reflective journals are an ideal way to be actively involved in learning (Millinkovic Field, 2005) and can be implemented to allow practitioners to record events and document their thoughts and actions on daily situations, and how this may affect their future practice (Williams Wessel, 2004). The experience gained in this can then be used to deal with other situations in a professional manner. By contemplating it thus, I am able to appreciate it and guided to where future development work is required. Context of incident In the scenario the patients name will be given as Xst.   Ã‚  The consequences of my actions for the client will be explained and how they might have been improved, including what I learned from the experience. My feelings about the clinical skills used to manage the clients care will be established and my new understanding of the situation especially in relation to evidence based practice will be considered.   I will finally reflect on what actions I will take in order to ensure my continued professional development and learning.    Xst is 55 year old woman who has a 10 year old daughter.   She suffers from psychiatric problems, lack of motivation and has difficulties in maintaining her personal hygiene and the cleanliness of her flat. She was one of my mentors clients to whom I had been assigned to coordinate and oversee her care under supervision. Nurses owe their patients a duty of care and are expected to offer a high standard of care based on current best practise, (NMC 2008).   Ã‚   Description Xst had been prescribed Risperidone Consta 37.5mg fortnightly, which is a moderate medication. Risperidone belongs to a group of medicines called antipsychotic, which are usually used to help treat people with schizophrenia and similar condition such as psychosis. Xst did not like attending depot clinic and she missed three consecutive appointments. My mentor decided after the third non-attendance to raise the issue in the handover meeting where it was decided to see Xst in the morning but when we arrived she was not there. We left a note for her to call the office. We did not hear from her and a further home visit was carried out to arrange for her next depot clinic appointment. I was asked to call a meeting of the multi-disciplinary team (MDT) who, at the meeting agreed that there would be a problem if the next injections were missed. At the next clinic, we waited for about an hour but she failed to attend. At a subsequent meeting with the patient, she agreed a joint visit with the CPN, my mentor and me to re-assess her condition and consider if it was necessary to   Ã‚  refer her case to the Consultant. I was given the opportunity to participate in the assessment, which showed that her behaviour was very unpredictable and very forgetful. Her inability to take her medication and to manage her personal hygiene clearly demonstrated that she was not well and indeed, had no insight into her illness and was in denial (Barker, 2004). However, the patient had been very upset because of the lack of communication and interpersonal skills that the staff and the student had displayed. I talked to Xst about her non-concordance with her medication, whilst stroking her hand but she persisted in saying she was well.   I reminded her that continuous use of the medication would benefit her mental health and protect her against relapse.   We agreed that she could discuss this with the doctor on her next outpatient appointment, with the option of reviewing or reducing her medication. I stressed the importance of her communicating any side effects or reservations she may have about the medication to doctor. She appeared to understand this and following the discussion, she finally complied with her depot injection. Feeling During the handover, I was nervous as I felt uncomfortable about giving feedback to the whole team. I was worried about making mistakes during my handover that could lead to inappropriate care being given to Xst or could cause her readmission to hospital. As a student nurse I felt I lacked the necessary experience to be passing information to a group of qualified staff members.   However, I dealt with the situation with outward calm and in a professional manner. I was very pleased that my mentor was available during the handover to offer me support and this increased my confidence. Evaluation What was good about the experience was that I was able to carry out the initial assessment and identify what caused Xst failure to comply with the treatment regime.   From my assessment I documented the outcome and related what had happened to the MDT with minimal assistance. Accurate documentation of patients care and treatment should communicate to other members of the team in order to provide continuity of care (NMC, 2008).   The experience has improved my communication skills immensely, I felt supported throughout the handover by my mentor who was constantly involved when I missed out any information. Thomas et al, (1997) explains that supervision is an important development tool for all learners. The team were very supportive throughout the process as they took my information without doubt.   What was not good about the experience was the fact that my mentor had not informed me that I was going to handover the information; as a result I had not mentally prepared myself for it.   I also felt that I needed more time to observe other professionals in the team carrying out their handovers before I attempted to carry out mine.   During the first MDT meeting, I felt that we did not provide enough time to freely interact with Xst to identify other psychosocial needs that could impact on her health. However, in any event, she was unable to fully engage because of her mental state. Turley (2000) suggests that nursing staff should include their interaction with the patient when recording assessment details, which can be used to provide evidence for future planning and delivery of care. Dougherty and Lister (2004) have suggested that healthcare professionals should use listening as part of assessing patient problems, needs and resources.      Analysis The literature regarding communication and interpersonal skills is vast and extensive. Upon reading a small amount of the vast literature available, the author was able to analyse the incident, and look at how badly this situation was handled. I realised communication is the main key in the nursing profession as suggested by Long (1999) who states that interpersonal skills are a form of tool that is necessary for effective communication. The behaviour of the person listening to the person who is talking is important during the interpersonal process (Burnard, 1992).The author used touch to convey support, genuineness and empathy, which is essential for the helping relationship (Betts, 2002, cited in Kenworthy et al, 2002). Carl Rogers (1967, cited by Betts, 2002, in Kenworthy et al, 2002) recommended three principal conditions necessary for effective counseling: empathic understanding, congruence or genuineness and unconditional positive regard. The terms genuineness and congruence ar e used interchangeably and used to describe the helper always being real in the helping relationship (Betts, 2002, cited in Kenworthy et al, 2002). I found it difficult to communicate with the patient initially because I did not understand her condition (  Adams,2008). It was also difficult for me not to take her behaviour to heart and show emotion at the time and thought this to be a failure. Even though the NMC (2008) maintains that nurses have a responsibility to empower patient in their care and to identify and minimise risk to patient, the principle of beneficence (to do well) must be balanced against no maleficence (doing no harm) (Beauchamp and Childress, 2001).   All these transactions were recorded in Xsts care plan file and on computer. Good record keeping is an integral part of nursing and midwifery practice, and is essential to the provision of safe and effective care. It is not an optional extra to be fitted in if circumstances allow NMC (2009).   The consequences of my actions for the patient and her daughter were that she attended to her daughters needs and to her personal hygiene, and made regular fortnight ly visits to the clinic. Her mental condition was improved. She was allowed to continue on her moderate medication and she did not have to be readmitted in the hospital. However, Bulman Schutz (2008) argue that this failure is to educate and for us to learn from practice and develop thinking skills. I would agree with them, as I learn best from practical experience, and build on it to improve my skills. With this is mind, I am now going to focus on my weaknesses, in both theory and practice, and state how, when and why I plan to improve on these. Through effective communication I was able to convince Xst of the need to take her medication. I was able to pass on the information to the MDT for continuity of care.     Roger et al (2003) concluded that communication is an on-going process but can be a difficult process when dealing with mental health problems.  Whilst talking I attempted to use Egans SOLER (Egan, 1990, cited in Burnard, 1992).The SOLER acronym is an aid to identifying and remembering the behaviours that should be implemented in order to promote effective listening (Burnard, 1992). I Sat facing Xst; assumed an Open posture; Leaned towards Xst slightly (in order to express interest); maintained Eye contact and attempted to appear Relaxed, as advised by Egan. During the handover I was pleased that the MDT members were supportive and interested in what I was saying and they asked questions. My mentor explained that a patient with schizophrenia can often behave like this as they develop dementia, which Noble (2007) also confirms. Since the incident I have read about schizophrenia and I am now aware that the patients expressionless face Netdoctor (2008), also made her comments appear more confusing and aggressive. Conclusion   In conclusion, I have learnt that through effective communication, any problem can be solved regardless of the environment, circumstances or its complexity.  Therefore, nurses must ensure they are effective communicators.   I have identified the weaknesses that should be turned to strengths. I am now working on strengthening my assertiveness, confidence and communication skills. Participating in the care of Xst I have realised that a good background information and feedback about mental health problems before providing care to clients can assist in accurate diagnosis and progress monitoring.  Ã‚   A good relationship between client and staff nurse is therapeutic and help in building trust.   This can be achieved by a free communication that allows the client to express their feelings and concern without the fear of intimidation.   From the experience, I feel the knowledge I have acquired will aid me in future practice should such situation arise again. Action Plan So that I could identify my strengths and weaknesses in both theory and practice easily, I found that the use of a SWOT analysis provided a good framework to follow. I have then built on this by producing a development plan that focuses on my weaknesses and how, when and why I plan to improve on them. I will now begin to work on these, the main reason being of course, that I am determined to be a competent, professional nurse in the future. I am now more prepared for any future patients with this disease as I have researched it. I will take the time to talk to them, to make sure they are at ease with me, before providing any care. If they appear distressed I would get another member of staff to help me to reassure them. Learning Need To improve my knowledge about patients illnesses and the risks of relapse associated with not taking medication. To identify and have good background information and feedback about patients mental health problems before providing care to them. To ensure a good rapport exist between my patient and I, in order to build up a therapeutic relationship with them and to gain their trust. To have effective communication with the patients and other members of the multidisciplinary team and being prepared. Planned action to meet these learning needs I aim to read books about different illnesses and causes of relapse and to read my patients notes. I will be talking with senior members of staff and allocating time to talk to patients and their relatives and participating in the ward round. Finally, I will have regular meetings with my clients. Target time to meet the learning needs I hope by the end of third year and some will be on-going skills to develop throughout the training. CONCLUSION I have clearly demonstrated that by using a reflective model as a guide, I have been able to break down, make sense of, and learn from my experience during my placement. At the time of the incident I felt very inadequate It was also difficult for me not to take her behaviour to heart and show emotion at the time, it is clear that this is an area I need to build on for the future. Nursing requires effective preparation so that we can care competently, with knowledge and professional skills being developed over a professional lifetime. One way this can be achieved is through what some writers refers to as technical rationality, where professionals are problem solvers that select technical means best suited to particular purposes. Problems are solved by applying theory and technique. The invaluable use of non-verbal communication has now become clearer to the author. The author believes he has become more self-aware regarding his own non-verbal communication and hopes that in the future he will use his communication skills to become a better advocate for the patient in his care.

business letters :: essays research papers

The story behind the letter below is that there is this guy in > Newport, RI named Scott Williams who digs things out of his backyard > and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling > them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual > archaeological finds. This guy really exists and does this in his > spare time. Here's the actual response from the Smithsonian Institution to > one such find. So, the next time you are challenged to respond in >writing..... > ____________________________________________________ > > Smithsonian Institute > 207 Pennsylvania Avenue > Washington, DC 20078 > > Dear Mr. Williams: > > Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled > "93211-D,layer seven, next to the clothesline post...Hominid skull." > We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and > regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it > represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in > Charleston County two million years ago. > > Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie > doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, > believes to be "Malibu Barbie." It is evident that you have given a > great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may > be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work > in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. > However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of > the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin: > > 1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are > typically fossilized bone. > > 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic > centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest > identified proto-homonids. > > 3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with > the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous > man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during > that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most > intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this > institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily > against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that: > > A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a > dog has chewed on. > B. Clams don't have teeth. > > It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your > request to have the specimen carbon-dated.